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Published on September 2nd, 2013 | by Barry Burkett

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Blog: Weapon Of choice

Ok, so this is my first entry ever so you have to be nice. I’m told its a rule… Today I’m going to talk about the wonderful selection of hitty and shotty things that I have enjoyed in my time and also the classifications that I believe they fit into. But please don’t worry, this isn’t about firepower or range or any such but about annoyance value, uniqueness and fun.

I’m gonna stick to 3 classifications today to make it easy on you (me). They are, oh bugger I’ve already given it away… Uniqueness, fun and annoyance value.

Lets start with annoyance value…

First up is any sniper rifle in any game…  ever. Whilst it’s fun to pop melons at 500 meters it’s always annoying to be that melon. Not an unusual thought I know but i’m drawing you in with things you already know. Next up is the winner missile from Mario Cart. Obviously a brilliant weapon to turn second place into first but generally used just to ruin that perfect race by that sad chap in last place (me!).
And then we have the ultimate “I’m losing so I’m ending this game with a big tantrum” weapon, which is Armageddon from Worm’s World Party. It only requires one go but almost guarantees that you won’t lose, or win but as no one else does then that’s perfect. In fairness I did set it off once and survive but I’m sure that’s the exception.

Next up is the fun choice…

This doesn’t take into account actual stopping power but the joy in it’s use. Many of my choices came from GTA but I settled on the splendid ‘beat a hotdog seller with a big pink dildo’ experience. Not very useful overall but I’m sure you’d get in trouble if you did it for real so let us enjoy the anarchy! And what about the plasma pistol from the Halo series, it’s never going to be the weapon of choice but do you remember the first time you took down a banshee with one charged shot, pure gold! Then you have dinosaurs. Yes DINOSAURS!!! But only when you ride them of course! Yoshi from Mario who was a fan of eating stuff and the beautiful selection from Golden Axe which could shoot fire or eat bananas (I’ve not done that much research yet!) who can hate a dinosaur? This also brings me onto the fire breath from Godzilla in any game you like to mention involving the mighty lizard (I’m thinking of Destroy all monsters on the Gamecube).

So uniqueness…

Well lets start with the power of positive thought…. Ok maybe not. Lets try the Machine Sprit from Dawn of War. The Land Raider is already bad ass but making it shiny with the Machine Spirit makes it all the more hardcore and I do Like a one man/car/thing army. But what about the Christ Air from Tony Hawks? I was a very average computer skateboarder but I can still do a 720 Christ Air, but still, looks impressive as you twirl around like a top before smashing your face into the concrete ramp!

There is also a list of other weapons that I made that I can’t fit into these 3 categories so I’m just gonna tack them on at the bottom.

We have the beautiful takedown from Burnout (a series which I will gush about at a later date), the radio control bombs from GTA, The Fireball from Street Fighter 2 HADOUKEN!!!! Every weapon from Star Wars, Lightsabers, Proton Torpedoes and Death Stars and BIG BLOODY ROBOTS. Lost Planet, Gears of War, Walker (Amiga 500 I love you) and such.

But If I had to pick one, just one weapon to bring to the fight it would have to be the Concrete Donkey. It is what it it says and bounces like concrete shouldn’t. How can you go wrong?

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About the Author

Barry spends most of his time lost in North London although he assures others its all part of the plan. He has been gaming since the age of the Atari 2600 and once owned a Purple Gamecube cos he's that cool. When not lost he likes to drink and correct other people's spelling and grammar.



4 Responses to Blog: Weapon Of choice

  1. Alex Porter says:

    The Concrete Donkey is a fantastic weapon! 😉 When it comes to snipers, I don’t mind when people use them properly but when they use them at close range for one hit kills, it is kind of a cheap technique (I’m looking at you ‘quickscopers’!).

    Nice blog post, very interested to see what you say about Burnout 🙂

  2. Not a fan of quickscopers myself, mainly because I’m rubbish and can’t do it. I used to love grenades from Gears of War 1. Nothing beats the feeling of smugness you can achieve just from sneaking up the opposition and smacking him round the head with a grenade tag

  3. Scot Mackay says:

    Great weapons for me have to have some imagination to them whilst having that balance so that they don’t overpower everything. I remember an interview with Jason Jones from Bungie trying to explain the balance of weapons. especially on multiplayer maps where he talked about how the best weapon in the game my not be the best weapon for the situation eg. Shotguns on a large scale map with long sightlines or the Spartan Laser on a close quarters setting.

    My personal faves are:

    The weapons that the Jackie Estacado gains through his use of The Darkness are still some the most fun weapons I have ever used. Devouring hearts to gain power and using them to slither their way through air vents to sneak up on enemies before dispatching them in the coolest (& sickest) ways, made them really stand out to me.

    One other weapon which is possibly the most overlooked yet the most important, especially during the 80’s/90’s era is the mighty jump button. Mario did it by jumping on Goombas and, well, pretty much everything. Sonic did it to every single one of Robotnik/Eggman’s creations. Hell, even bloody James Pond: Robocod got in on the act and started flattening teddy bears by doing the almighty double curb stomp well before Gears of War was outta’ nappies.

    My favorite weapon that i had ever used came in the form of a character from one of my favorite fighting games: Eternal Champions. The characters name was R.A.X Coswell, A kick-boxer who was pushed out of the sport due to the increasing popularity of cybernetic fighters who could take and dish out more punishment. He decided to turn himself into one kick ass robotic Swiss army knife to compete in the cybernetic fighting division. I mean check this mofo out! He is a one man wrecking crew who can fire bolts of concentrated energy from his eye and his stomach.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txs-Zny_ti8

  4. True enough, the good old jump on a bad guy move is a classic.

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